Making Britain Mint Again
Change is coming…
Reform supporters - you’ve been hoodwinked! They’re WOKE.
Despite positioning themselves as anti-establishment champions of working people, Reform UK's leadership represents the very elite they claim to oppose:
Richard Tice, worth over £100 million and CEO of Quidnet Capital with investments in offshore tax havens and installs solar panels as part of its property development and refurbishment efforts
Nigel Farage, a millionaire former banker worth £2.5-4 million with an EU pension.
At RIP we are with you, till the end…
From just £69 a month, RIP will make “Britain Greater Again”. Say goodbye to expensive Net Zero, because we will bring back fossil fuels, unlike Reform who just pretend to. We will also say goodbye to failed WOKE economics, by bringing back trickle down economics so it’s like the roaring 70’s again. And say goodbye to small boats, we have “the” plan. Lastly, say goodbye to all that foreign food. We aim to bring back Wimpy, Little Chef and Berni Inns, plus we will ban paper straws and bring back plates, plates that will be washed by people from a country we decide to invade.
Our RIP leadership team…
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Jim Robinson
Leader
Led by Jim Robinson, our party champions the time-honored values of British tradition, ensuring that no outdated idea is left behind as we navigate the future with a distinctly ‘traditionalist’ flair. Previously, an Executive Producer on Russia Today.
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Des Clarke
Chairman
Known for his unconventional approach to politics, once made headlines when he sprinted through a field of wheat—completely naked—while being pursued by an irate constituent's husband. Previously a journalist for Breitbart News.
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Harold Bishop
Vice Chairman
A true enthusiast of all things mechanical, spends his weekends crafting intricate model buses and looking at amazing tractors on the dark web. Previously, a researcher on top news site Infowars, where he broke the Sandy Hook story.
Voting intention
We surveyed a huge number of voters and most indicated they plan to vote for RIP, because the other parties have not stopped the small boats, said Angela Rayner speaks funny and the only trade Britain has done is with the Faroe islands.
Our Manifesto
Immigration
Wave Machine Initiative: To protect our shores, we propose installing a severn boar style wave machine in the Channel to create “natural” barriers against brown and black people.
Adding scary sharks and big octopuses: Forget Rwanda. We propose all people in Calais are made to watch Jaws 3 (3D) and 20,000 leagues under the sea
Operation France: Demand that France take back all immigrants, because who better to handle them than our closest neighbours? If they don’t comply, we will ban chateau nerf de pap and actively advertise Blue Nun.
Education
We believe in supporting private education by scrapping VAT on private schools, ensuring they can keep the heating in their pools at a luxurious 29 degrees—because every rich child deserves a warm splash
We’re excited to introduce our groundbreaking breakfast policy for state schools, where instead of costly breakfast clubs, pupils can enjoy a hearty breakfast meal of heinz tin of beans and sausages for just £2 a day!
Like many, we believe teachers have it too easy and are often WOKE, which is why we propose a new Krypton Factor-style test. This will not only assess their intelligence but also put their physical attributes to the test, If they fail, they will have to become fruit pickers.
Environment
Don’t believe the smellies—coal is cool! We’re committed to bringing back the charm of coal, ensuring that our power sources are as nostalgic as they are reliable. We will also train youngsters in how to sweep chimneys.
Net zero? Just a clever fabrication by George Soros. Sure, it might get colder and hotter in Britain, but we like having our four seasons—who wouldn’t want a bit of variety in the weather to keep us on our toes
In our commitment to maintaining order, we will designate Just Stop Oil as a terrorist organization—because nothing says ‘pro-environment’ like taking a hardline stance against those who just want to stop the flow of oil!
Wales
We believe Welsh people can be a bit nasty to their English counterparts, so we’re introducing a new law: every Welsh person must say the name Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch! Fail to do so, and they will be deported to Port Talbot.
We plan to repurpose the Port Talbot steel factory into a shining example of modern living by transforming it into Welsh tenements! After all, what better way to celebrate our industrial heritage than by turning it into cosy homes. We will then look at making Wales just Port Talbot.
International
We wholeheartedly back Trump’s take on the Ukraine-Russia situation, asserting that Russia did not invade Ukraine, it’s fake news, spread by the likes of the BBC and CNN.
The EU on it’s knees! We believe we must now do trade deals with countries across the world, as being close to you largest trading partners, is so last century. We intend to visit Putin, Kin Jong Un, and Javier Milei, but we will speak with Viktor Orbán and Giorgia Meloni on our first day in office. We intend to use Air Force One.
Benefits
The UK’s benefits system is one of the worst in the civilised world. We intend to make it worse, because poor people are still buying huge TVs, have SKY and smoke.
At RIP we propose that scrap the benefits system, and make poor people dig for more coal, and subsequently we will forward these cost savings to property owners, as they are very angry about the money they are lost because WOKE staff are working from home.
Health
In 2011, the NHS was rated the best health service out of eleven countries—including the US, AUS, CAN, FRA, GER, NETH, NZ, NOR, SWE, and SUI—but has since fallen to ninth place in terms of healthcare outcomes, highlighting significant challenges within the system.
In response to the NHS's decline, RIP will implement an insurance-based healthcare system, working closely with our US healthcare partners as recommended by Donald Trump. This shift aims to enhance efficiency and improve healthcare outcomes for all citizens that can afford it.
We also intend to build 41 new hospitals
Brexit
Although we’ve lost billions in trade post-Brexit, we’re thrilled to announce that we’ve reclaimed our sovereignty—despite the fact that we had it before! Who needs economic stability when you can have the satisfaction of saying you’re in charge? After all, it’s not about the money; it’s about the principle of being able to make our own rule, even though we did before.
In a bold move to reclaim our travel dignity, we aim to introduce a policy that allows UK travellers to join the EU queue at European airports. Just fly to Dublin and ask for an Irish/EU passport. If they say no, say “ex-Tory MP Andrew Bridgen said I could” and they will give you one.
Security
Brexit has led to a tiny amount of security losses for the UK, primarily due to reduced collaboration on security and defense. The UK previously benefited from shared intelligence and coordinated responses to threats through EU frameworks, which facilitated cooperation on counter-terrorism and organised crime.
At RIP we will create a double bubble when it comes to security. Every 16 and 60 year old will be made to do 2 years military service. Our military strategist, Frank Pike, will be put in charge of overseeing this, although, he would like to keep his name under the radar for now.
RIP will make Brexit work
With unwavering determination, we will make Brexit work by launching a month-long intensive training program for Brits to become everything from doctors to fruit pickers, nurses to warehouse staff—because who needs years of education and experience when you can learn it all in just 30 days? Our grand vision is to transform the UK into a 'Bermuda Triangle of Opportunity,' where every citizen is just a crash course away from mastering their next career, all while we embrace our new identity as a global trading nation, despite the fact that our largest market is 20 miles away.
Homelessness
With the UK boasting the highest rate of homelessness in the developed world, we at RIP have a bold plan to eradicate it in one fell swoop! We’ll simply rebrand all homeless people as environmentalists and let them cozy up in old Woolworths shops—because nothing says ‘eco-friendly’ like repurposing retail relics for a good night’s sleep.
With the Trussell Trust reporting that food bank use has skyrocketed by over 300% in the past decade, RIP is excited to pledge that we will open a brand new food bank every week! After all, if we can’t solve the root issues of food insecurity, we might as well keep the food banks coming—because nothing says progress like a never-ending line for free food
Transport
With the UK boasting the highest rail prices in Europe, we aim to flip the script and become the lowest by introducing a revolutionary idea: empty lorries offering passengers an alternative way to get to their destinations! Who needs comfortable trains when you can enjoy the thrill of a bumpy ride in the back of a lorry? Oxygen included,
In our ongoing efforts to prioritize public convenience and safety, we are scrapping all electric cars due to their excessive quietness, which poses a hazard to pedestrians, and their tendency to occupy valuable car spaces in car parks—spaces that are typically located very close to the entrance.
Crime
The overall crime rate in the UK has been decreasing; however, fraud and computer misuse have surged by 30%. At RIP, we intend to make fraud and computer misuse legal, as we believe in the principle of "let the buyer beware." This approach aims to shift the responsibility onto individuals, fostering a more informed and cautious consumer environment.
At RIP, we intend to make threats made on social media legal, as we believe that many of these threats stem from "keyboard warriors" rather than genuine intent. We reject the woke culture that amplifies fears around such expressions.
Civil Service
We are excited to introduce the Bureau of Efficiently Enforced Frameworks (BEEF), where we aim to streamline the operations of the UK Civil Service. Currently, approximately 400,000 dedicated individuals contribute to the civil service across 15 main departments. In our pursuit of increased efficiency and focus, we will be emailing 399,985 of these employees to inform them that their positions are being terminated. The remaining 15 individuals will continue to serve in their roles, alongside AI agents, utilising a Regus office to ensure a flexible and dynamic working environment. We believe this bold step will enhance the effectiveness of our public service and pave the way for a more efficient government framework.
North Sea Oil
Britain cannot fully utilise North Sea oil primarily because its refineries are not designed to process the heavy crude oil produced there, meaning a large portion of the extracted oil needs to be exported, and the UK is unable to refine much of it domestically. To reclaim sovereignty over our resources, we are taking a bold step to take back control of our oil by declaring war against Norway.
Furthermore, since private companies own 80% of our oil, we will be ripping up those contracts.
Farming and Fishing
With 40% of UK food imported, we intend to launch Project Turnip. This initiative aims to boost domestic production of turnips and other seasonal crops, reducing our reliance on imports and promoting local agriculture.
UK consumers do not eat local shellfish, including lobster and oysters because it looks weird, so a significant portion of the catch is exported. Compounding these issues is the lack of adequate cleaning facilities, which affects safety and processing standards. RIP intends to change this by making lobster/oyster fish fingers.
We also intend to use local suppliers from Clacton and Skegness to clean the crustaceans, whereby they inject the shellfish with bleach using their ingenious product called, Mr Mussel.
Why Orange?
We chose orange for its warmth and creativity, embodying a zest for life that mirrors the best political figures.
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Testimonials for RIP
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"When I got my mug, I was so happy I stood up and sang, 'Two World Wars, One World Cup!'—finally, something to celebrate!"
Mark Fowler
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"It's the wave machine that got me; let those men of a certain colour and age body surf back to France!"
Sharon Watts
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"It's time fish and chips came back! Okay, it might have started in Portugal, but us Brits perfected it!"
Diane Butcher
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"We're full up! An incredible 1% of the UK is built on, and RIP will 'stop the builds'—let's keep the green spaces!"
Barry Evans
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"I read on Facebook that Shania Law is now the main law; this has to stop, and only RIP can do this!
Hattie Tavernier
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"I can't get an appointment with my GP, Maya Khan—it's definitely because of immigrants; RIP will sort this out!"
Annie Palmer
Meet some of RIP’s soon to be MPs
Fancy becoming a RIP MP or Mayor. It’s simple! For just £3,999 you can. No checks, No CV, No Problem! Contact us and give us some more information about your dreams. If you have been in prison, leave that experience off your submission until you have been elected. Payment must be made up-front.
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